Doing my best...

So I now how have my new job and I have to admit, it's not what I originally thought it would be.  But everyday I'm loving it more and more.  I'm learning to do new things and even if they seem like they are mundane, they are important to make sure that we are absolute best that we can be.  Now, I just need to find another job to help support myself. 

Life has been super weird recently.  I am trying to get over this break-up that ended badly.  It's just so hurtful to know that he didn't care about me or about our relationship.  That I was basically nothing to him.  Just someone to be with until someone better comes along.  And I absolutely hate this!  He's out there being with the girl he cheated on me with while I'm stuck being alone.  That is not the way it should work.  He cheated, he was wrong, he hurt me and yet he's the one who is so happy in a new relationship.  I know that this may sound selfish, but what about me?!  In this scenario shouldn't I be the one who actually gets to be happy?!  I just wonder when it'll be my turn.  I've seen all my friends get married and be happy and I just wonder when it'll be the one to actually get what I want. 

On a more different note, I have decided to finally pursue my dream.  Currently, I've been working on one "iten" and have started another.  I also have a third one that I'm going to start soon.  But the first one is nearly finished and ready to be sent off.  Hopefully it'll go well!!!  I'll keep you posted!!

A little experiment.....

Disappointment comes in all shapes and forms and has no bias as to when it will occur.  For instance:  I recently was offered a job.  It's only part-time, but it's doing something that I love.  However, once I got the job, I was told by several people that the job didn't offer good pay or include benefits and that I should set my hopes and dreams on this job.  However, I'm still thrill that in today's economy, I could even get a job.  And right now, it's part time, but that means that I'm at least getting my foot in the door and it will hopefully lead to something more or will allow me to work two part-time jobs.

Also, I will be graduating this weekend.  That's right folks, I am getting my Master's degree.  So you would think that's a big deal right and that everyone would be excited?!?!?  WRONG!  Everyone is either too busy or simply can't be bothered with the small detail of celebrating my minor success to attend my graduation ceramony.  Do you realize how heart-breaking that is?!  To have the people that you care about really not "give a crap" about what's going on!  But oh, well.  So all of this has made me step back and take a look at few things.  I'm usually the one to ask people to do something or text them first.  I don't really get texts from people unless they need something or are calling to see if I'm going to show up for something. 

Due to this realization, I have decided to perform a small experiement.  I am cutting myself off from all contact.  I will speak to those that I see, those that call or those that text first!  I will not communicate through Facebook or send out text messages.  I will not call.  I will not speak unless spoken to first.  Basically, I'm putting myself on lock-down.  I will keep my mouth closed and communication to a minimum.  Then I'll see just how long it takes for them to realize that I have stopped communication.  They may never realized it.  And if they don't, then that will simply prove that I wasn't much of a friend in their world anyway.  I'm not going to lie:  this scares me.  I hate being alone and the thought of secluding myself is not an awesome prospect.  But I'm hoping to grow myself as a person and in my relationship with God.  It's definitely going to be a challenge...so I'll let you know how it goes!  Wish me luck!!

Starting my dream

I have decided to try something new and REALLY step out on faith on my dream.  I'm really nervous and I'm expecting a bit of disappointment, but I really think that it's going to be an open door for me and it's something that I dreamed of doing since I was a little girl.

For those of you who don't know what this dream is...you'll just have to wait and see!!

Looking back now

Looking back on the whole situation now, it almost seems like a very bad dream.  But I know that it was real.  It's just really weird to think about how everything happened at one time.  Shawna's death, dad's surgery, my parent's financial problems, not to mention other things (like taking my comprehensive exam during all this and ending a relationship with someone that I cared a lot about).  Since that time, God has moved GREATLY!  More than I could have ever imagined!  But this didn't just all happen over night, even though it feels that way.  But right after I wrote the previous post, I was at my lowest.  I was a point where I consantly questioned why God was doing all this and finally told Him that I couldn't take anymore.  I was broken, hurt, confused, worried, scared and lonely.  But it's like I said the other night in small group and to some very close friends, I was at my lowest point and that's when God stepped in and amazed me.  I really had thought that He had given up on me.  But that's when my mom was healed.  Her vision was restored.  She had a stroke in November and her vision was damaged.  But God truly healed her!!!  And not just that, but her spirit and attitude had even improved.  After that, God worked out some financial stuff for my parents which was such a blessing!!  I had also been struggling with my own health issue and the same day that I got my COMPS results (which I passed with distinction), God also resolved it, too.  He also has been healing some hurt that I have experienced due to a painful relationship. 
Here is my only conundrum:  since God has been moving so greatly in all of these situations, I feel selfish asking for Him to help resovle more.  I have been experiencing worry over some personal things like my future job and housing situation, not to mention another situation about my future.
I also LOVE how God works things out though.  Today's sermon at church I really related too.  It was about Hagar.  I completely can relate to how she felt in the desert.  It was just a few fews ago that I was at that same low point and couldn't see a way.  But God was there.  He never left me.  I just couldn't see it at the time.  Now, I'm working through these other things that are more personal.  Looking now, I find it rather ridiculous that I haven't asked for God's guidance in these personal issues.  He has moved so greatly and mightly in these areas, why can't I trust Him to take care of this too.  The truth is, I can.  He said in his word that He never fails.  So now it's up to me to take these areas of concern to Him and let him have control. 

At the Moment....

 This is a post that I did on my other blog behindthebook-jeretta.blogspot.com.  I wrote it when I was having a bit of down time.  Thankfully, I have gotten far beyond that time....later I'll give you a response on what I was thinking at the time and how things have changed.....

Okay..so here is the way it is people.  Sometimes, life simply sucks!!!  It's not that it sucks all the time, just when it feels a bit overwhelming.  The last couple of weeks have been fairly stressful and exhausting.  My dear and wonderful friend, Shawna, was killed in a car accident on February 16th.  She was only 17.  How do I even begin to describe Shawna?!  She was a young, beautiful girl that truly lived for God.  She served in the youth group I used to work with in Winchester.  She was always fun and caring and extremely hilarious!  She loved kids and definitely had passion for children's ministry.  She was goofy and fun-loving.  She had a beautiful voice and was the kind of person that could make your day a little brighter.  When she died, it was like the world stopped for a moment.  It was absolutely heart-breaking.  From the moment I learned of her death until this past week, I've cried over her.  She had SO MUCH potential and it's hard to let go of "what could have been..."  I know that in the end, she is so much happier right now.  There is not a doubt that she is rocking out in Heaven.  But here's the thing about all of it.  I don't want Shawna to be remembered as simply a statistic of a teen-age driver who was killed in a car accident.  I want her life to be more than that.  I hope that the passion and fire for God she left on others will continue to grow and spread.  Shawna lived life to the fullest and never backed down.  She was deeply in love with Jesus and I hope that I can learn how to live like that.

One week after Shawna's death, my dad had to have emergency triple bypass surgery.  That was terrifying.  But God brought him through it and I'm so thankful!  He still has a long way to go, but he is recovering well and I know that it's all because of God.  Yet, with all the good, bad comes to.  Financial problems are looming ahead and there does not seem to be an easy solution.  I know that God will work it out somehow, but I just can't see the solution at the moment...

On top of that, there is two weeks worth of homework that I haven't done and am struggling to finish and all the homework I need to get a head on thanks to Comps.

I just wonder sometime, why we have to struggle so much.  It just seems as though, people sometimes, have it easy.  They don't have the same problems and may never have to face them in their lifetimes.  Sometimes I just want to shout, "God, why is all this happening!?  What did I do wrong?!  Why?!  Please, help me!"  But, then I'm reminded of Job.  All his friends and even his wife told him their "theories" and what he should do about them.  Then God just let them all know that HE has the plan, HE knows the reason, HE is almighty and HE is always there.  Just like Job, my need to shout at that point is stopped and I am silenced.  Who am I to question God or why things happen the way they do?  I think it's human nature to question things, especially bad things.  But that doesn't mean that there will always be a nice clean answer waiting on you there.  Sometimes, you just have deal with what is in front of you and pray for God's strength and comfort.

Welcome!

Welcome one and all to Jeretta's blog!  This is a blog about my personal thoughts, feelings and views!  I will tell you about the name..it's actually a line in a lyric from Run Kid Run's song "Fall into the Light."  I just really enjoy the song, probably one of my all time favorites.  So let me tell you a little about myself.  My name is Jeretta and I'm getting ready to graduate with my MLIS, so I'm in the middle of job searching.  EEKK!!  I'm also recently single, but that's a story I'm not getting into..EVER!  I love books and reading.  I also have another blog (behindthebook-jeretta.blogspot.com) that details some of the books I read.  I'm a christian and love Jesus!!  I love to hang out in the arboretum, watch movies, chill out with friends and in general be happy.  I'll post more later...hope you enjoy!